“*Sniffle* what seems to be the problem there little boy? Why are you out here all naked in the woods in the middle of nowhere son? Where are your Mother and Father? What you mean you were looking for Yogi? The only bear out in these parts is Mr. Smokey. Anyways let’s get back on track here. Tell me how a boy like you got lost way out in these dangerous woods. Stop crying and BE A MAN gawd damnit! I can’t handle this kindergarten style s*#t you got all up on me. Don’t you know this puddle of tears that is pouring down your face is what floods these river damns and pisses off the beavers? How dare you disturb their habitat and make me actually have to do my work with all these mounds of effort and stress. Yo kid, did you know that there’s a legend just around the edge of this forest where many people have suffered and even died because of all the depressive tears storms from kids like you waking up the man killing beavers? This ain’t no place for you son. You must live on without this emotion. How about you come with me, my name is Mr.Emo and I’m the park ranger.”
Hey all you loveable humans out there! How has your day’s commute been? See any smiling faces on your way to work? How many? Two? Well that’s better than one and ones better than none! Makes me sick to my stomach when we can’t take a second to smile at someone and give them that moment of joy throughout the day that may potentially be the only joy in that day for that special somebody – Ya lil’ selfish person you! Almost as sick as these so called fashionable all-black-dressed head down trench coat Vancouver I’m part of the killer band yups that consider them self-edgy and sophisticated James Dean shoulder tensed up wannabes. Come on yawl lighten up! It’s spring already! And what better way to celebrate spring than writing a post about camping with emotions! So here it is, let’s go camping kids!
You know what makes me ill? Thinking so gawd-damn much. You know what makes me sick? Crying like a baby when I’m a 26 year old man. You know what makes me vomit? Thinking about how I’m acting like a baby when I’m a 26 year old man thinking about how sick are these thoughts of emotions that I’m feeling in my wildest imagination killing me loudly and holding me back from accepting and making use of all that is good in my life and what’s cooking on the campfire way out in these beautiful woods! Know this though, that this post isn’t about barfing your emotions out all over the kitchen floor. It is however about how to clean up your emotional barf incase you do, so that the beavers or Mr. Smokey don’t come to camp and harm anymore humans. You get their drift? Really? Well okay then – paddle on.
These last couple months out here lost in these crybaby woods have been exhausting and tiring as hell. Wondering if camping here was actually going to be fun. As if I thought out here deep in these woods, I was actually gonna learn a thing or two. These woods my friends are not as entertaining as those little red riding hot picture books back in kindergarten class. It’s a scary set of woods out here with nothing but big bad wolves. The only thing you didn’t know that the big bad wolf was you!
Man killing beavers? Big bad lonely horny wolves? Sounds like the real world doesn’t it? Know what’s even more real? Your own range of emotions you will have to deal with by being a lonely horny wolf. There will be times where you will not have the help of Mr.Emo to come rescue you from your own mind or sexual libido. The darkness that clouds your hunger and the thrust for more. The beaver might not get ya. However, I’m pretty damn sure the emotions of the lone wolf will and sometimes you ain’t gonna have Mr. Emo the park ranger come save you from the darkness of your own tears. Now let’s talk about what makes a wolf lonely.
Lone wolves like me have a very deeply en-rooted way to visualize things. The smell in the air drives curiosity deep within my sniff buds. The taste of adventure is like the warm fluffy sweet carrot cake crisp texture of the cap of a Tim Horton’s muffin. As for my eyes, I foresee a greater sense of my got-to-do live buds and that can create both calmness and havoc in my state-of-mind. It wrenches so deep within my will of hunger of seeing things to fruition that sometimes I forget where I even planted the seed. Essentially if you rob yourself of all your K9 senses and don’t follow your hunger, you are making mighty fine steps towards being a very ronery wolf.
It doesn’t sound all that bad now does it? That’s until you go wolf-shit-crazy that is! Just like I was during the last 3 months banging my head against a cubicle office wall when I was wondering would I be able to keep calm and steady during this off kilter period. Knowing that the aftermath of the child’s tears that are about to waterfall over the floor of the Beaver’s kitchen was on it’s way to get me – was a very scary thing indeed. To tell you the truth I really didn’t know I was going to make it through. How was I supposed to know if the legend of the beaver was going to eat me alive? What about Mr. Smokey? Everyone knows there’s no such thing as a smoking grizzly bear. That’s when Mr.Emo came to save the day.
You see people. The Ranger of emotions which resides in the camping mind site of your brain are in fact the wide range of feelings you go through at times in your life when it is extremely difficult to see things the way you want it to be. Except not for the way real life truly is. While yes, the people who love you are there to support you through your struggles and your journey to the land of happy. Sometimes you really must get lost in your adventure to find out the journey that is your dream. Which leads you to your final destination aka a new chance to live because you really don’t want to die like every other person in those movies. Besides, you never happened to end up exactly where you planned on setting up for camp in the first place, you spent all the time to plan the camping trip to paradise in the woods and ended up playing hide and go seek with a park ranger who calls himself Mr. Emo. Sounds safe right? OF COURSE IT’S SAFE! HE’S YOUR EMOTIONS!
A huge lesson I have learned from Mr. Emo is that without the range of emotions that you are. The belief in man killing beavers or Mr. Smokey the bear. The will to take risk and sacrifice your own comfort all for the adventure of a lifetime. You essentially will have trouble feeling alive in the creative realm without the struggles of being lost deep in the dark, dark, duck twisted tormented woods.
You are a big bad lone wolf it’s true. Though even big bad lone wolves have the ability to change for the better. Sniff out your dreams and hunt them down full force. Make friends with the creatures that live within your habitat. Invite them out to frolic in the woods. Pick berries, not fights. Help the beavers rebuild their water damns. It will not be easy. Building beaver damns never is, but please believe me when I say – it will all make sense once you can get to this part of the woods and find out how much wood-can-a-woodchuck-chuck-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood. Until the next time you are standing alone, lost in the dark woods, be sure to C.O.L (cry out loud) so that someone like Mr.Emo can come save you. Now go get lost ya lil’ selfish person you! 
AND NOW FOR A FRIENDLY GIA ANNOUNCEMENT: “Without the lost of mind you would never want to find a piece of mind, and with out a piece of mind, how will you ever construct the peace of mind you got lost searching for?”
- The Jimmy Gia
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